I’m a Loser…

I’m a loser. I sponge off my husband and don’t ‘help financially’ by working a job. I’m lazy. I inconvenience others. I slow people down. It’s just anxiety. I’m not really sick. I’m faking it. I’m taking advantage of the system. I’m a bad parent. I don’t let my MIL use my bathroom in an emergency while going through chemo. It’s all MY fault my hubby couldn’t make his son’s wedding. I’m a liar. There’s nothing wrong with me, only mental health. I’m mental. I need a shrink. Somethings wrong with me. I’ve changed. I don’t take care of my kids. I neglect my children’s medical needs…

We have anger management but not for kids, they must be 18. 18, we don’t take your insurance. Self pay only.

Counseling and services with autism provider, the wait is currently 6 months out. Oh, you have Tricare? We only have 1 part time provider so the list is now well over a year out… after waiting over a month to get on that list.

We have EXACTLY what you need for your kid but it’s $8800 a month for the first three months then $7200 a month after that and the program is between 9 to 12 months long…. after the $2800 registration fee…

Oh, you have an urgent referral? Well, we triage all referrals and that doesn’t change the wait time much…

Where’s the website list with all the services needed listed in one place for easy access? Oh, you don’t have one for this state?

She has a WHAT in her spinal cord? Are you sure it’s benign, her backpain is pretty severe, in tears daily severe… No follow up MRI to see if there are any changes? I know google says (yes, google) that they can grow and lead to problems and neurological issues which she already has some signs of? Bye? That’s it? What’s causing the severe back pain, she’s just a child??

I have normal strength, it’s just with repetition and cold that it’s affected. You’ve run all the tests and there are no more? What about the CMAP and other test that actually test for the exact issue of repetition and cold paralysis? Wouldn’t that test prove what I’m saying I’m experiencing, I mean, that’s what it’s for and I haven’t had that one, not that I want it but it would show exactly what I’ve been talking about.. Oh, you have it but I don’t need it since my CK is low to low normal… My blood doesn’t show inflammation even when fully inflamed, I’m pretty weird when it comes to my blood tests… what? Bye? No test to prove what I’ve been talking about?? But.. I haven’t had that one and it would prove what I’m saying!! (door shuts).

No show. No show. No show… Don’t bother scheduling an appt with my kid till you can get your shit together. You have no idea what that does to an autistic child.

No show… I’m sorry. I know you were actually really looking forward to all his promises in the community and all that he shared… I know, our system sucks. I’m sorry it didn’t work out… again. (Where ARE you? Ghosted, BA in psych, only 2 in our state for BI services when we hired him).

This list could potentially be endless… It would blow your mind how deficient the system and lack of help is. Then add being disabled and needing help with the system on top of that and having no one to help navigate it. They see you for all of a few minutes then off to the next case. No one goes home thinking about you at night, nope, they’re not in your shoes so they don’t live or understand the issues that exists and the barriers to support.

FYI, I used to be the neighborhood mom. Most parents didn’t want all the neighborhood kids in their house so they came to ours. At least I knew where my kids were. I baked cookies, watched the kids, kept house, and had dinner on the table every night. We were once with a family gym membership where I found a joy in running. I was finally feeling in a healthy place after years of being ill off and on. I applied to law school. I paid for the LSAT and purchased all the books to study. I went from happy and functioning to ill, very disabled and in a wheelchair. Because I’m lazy. Just mental. I choose to be this way over the happy times with my family. Over active involvement and caretaking, a task I enjoyed. No, I rather sit stuck to my recliners day in and day out, staring at these 4 walls doing nothing while the dust grows, my muscles atrophy, the clutter piles up, our bellies rumble with hunger and the kids miss out on all the family things we used to do… I’m lazy. I sponge off my husband. Just don’t tell anyone about my 100% VA disability that covers half our income, you know, cause people don’t know about that since it’s not their business but apparently, our finances are since they’re spending time talking about it behind our backs then attacking me publicly on social media about it, like it’s their business in the first place… SMH.

Our world is a messed up place. There is a horrible shortage of help and services for people in need. There are way too many pompous judgmental people who rather point a finger than lift a finger. Too many people that thrive off drama rather than compassion and love and caring for others. Maybe I’m too sensitive for this world. Maybe I’m just exhausted and over it already. Maybe I just want to win the lottery, that will likely never happen, and live in peace and be able to afford hiring the real help we actually need because money can do that, insurance doesn’t. Our system doesn’t. But maybe I’m too lazy too even play…

No wonder the suicide rates are high, drug addiction is a thing, and people die in pain..

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Snoop Dogg – Our Devastating Loss WHY??

As a disabled family, getting out of the home is a rare event. We’re isolated, stuck behind these 4 walls and events in the community take a lot of prep and planning and even then, there’s no guarantee of getting out, if it’s me attending, as I never know if it’s a migraine day, or my dysautonomia is so bad I can’t be upright. I typically have my wheelchair for events like concerts since I can’t stand for very long or walk far but my husband wasn’t able to attend so I couldn’t bring it. Winter typically keeps me in bed as the cold affects my ability to function quite a bit. I have kids on the spectrum who also suffer from my health issues. Everything takes careful planning so it’s rare we leave the home to do fun things.

On 12/14, we had a super special event planned for me and my son. For once, it was on a good day. We were both over the moon to attend this event. But an incident happed out in the community, the Ford Idaho Center in Nampa, and an injustice occurred. I am totally confused on what warranted the kind of incident and treatment that took place. An incident that not only traumatized ME but my child as well. We paid over $1600 which is a HUGE deal to us for my son and I to go to the Snoop Dogg concert AND have the after party where he was putting on a private show with food, music, a meet and greet, over $200 in loot and other gear. THAT was a huge deal to us both and we not only got kicked out of the concert but lost out on meeting him, getting our PAID for loot, and the entire experience for something that I don’t even know why.

I’ve been trying to find out WHY we were kicked out and no one has responded to our emails. This was our respite night. It seems like such a small thing to abled people but when you’re disabled and isolated, any event like this is a major deal for us. Had we hurt someone or threated security or was violent, then we’d absolutely deserve the loss of the event. The problem is that we did none of those things and at the time we were asked to leave, we were sitting together and Snoop Dogg had just come out so I don’t understand what we did wrong. My son has taken on all the guilt, the pain, the shame.

He had to witness me have a mental health breakdown outside the venue which I don’t ever do but I was treated so badly, I’m disabled and the cold affects my neuromuscular condition and my phone was in the venue which they wouldn’t let me find and it’s my assistive device with my whole life on there, alarms, appointments, calendar, my phone numbers, I can’t remember those type of things and I have to have that to manage.

The MAV guy refused to let me use the facilities (bathroom) and told me to, “go pull your pants down outside and pee.” Who says that? I explained my disability and they still refused to accommodate. I showed them my alert bracelets. They didn’t care. My son is in such an awful way right now and he has pretty severe depression so this just adds a whole other layer to things and he blames himself as he already thinks he’s a failure and he’s taken it all on himself.

There we were enjoying ourselves then everything gone, just like that, with no explanation, no recourse, no justice, and no return of the money I paid which was a huge amount to make this happen. No items that I paid for for both of us to receive that was saved for the end of the event so we didn’t have to hold it while the show was in process and no way to obtain what we paid for, no way to ever get back that once in a lifetime experience and no way to fix the damage that’s been done to us.

Why? Why did this happen? This was our night of respite. This was our chance to get out of these 4 walls that have isolated us for so long. And that got taken from us. I have written to the venue asking for answers. No one will write me back. How can one man (MAV security) make a call that effects a person’s life without any explanation, any way to defend themselves or anyway to stop an injustice from happening. How can that one man have so much control while we sit by helpless and mocked for my own disability? How can a person who is disabled be treated in a such a manor as I was without empathy, compassion, or regulations in place to keep someone in my condition from experiencing a situation like this that caused us harm?

What recourse do we have? How do we stop this from happening to someone else? How do we make sure that disabled people planning a special night out don’t have this happen to them? How do we get justice or compensation for our loss? I even wrote the venue prior about my disability checking on things and sharing how excited we were to attend. Why am I sharing this? To share what it’s like to live a disabled life. To share how very difficult it is to attend events out in the community. To share how something like this impacts our lives when you experience a devastation like this. To see if anyone has suggestions and a way for justice to prevail. To see how we can fix the system so people like us have the respite we so desperately need without the fear of discrimination or fear of having that taken in a heartbeat without a way of defending ourselves.

Injustice… The Helplessness of Injustice #SnoopDogg

Autism sucks. Yes, autism sucks. It’s not our neurotype or wiring that’s problematic. In fact, I really like the way in which we think and how we see a different side of things and perceive things a lot of people don’t. The problem is the disabilities that come along with it. The behaviors, the emotional dysregulation, the sensory processing issues, the comorbidities, the anxiety, depression and anger. Those are the things I’d change. Those are things a lot of people on the spectrum need help with and those are the things that help is seriously lacking for in our state and from what I’m hearing, many other states as well. There is simply a lack of appropriate services, lack of staffing, and total lack of understanding autism.

On paper, I have a THAT child. The problematic child. The misunderstood kid who is constantly judged for his brutal honestly, inability to handle emotions, and his verbal outbursts that might scare others or hurt people’s feelings but people don’t understand the difference between real threats and an autistic person going to the verbal extreme when feeling their emotions are out of control. For this, we are judged. We must be bad parents. We must NOT be helping our kid. We must be doing something wrong. We didn’t discipline him or we didn’t discipline him enough because that would have simply solved those ‘problems.’ Total lack of understanding. SMH. And we are judged. We are mocked. We are ridiculed. No body thinks about words vs actions. No body stops to see past the verbal language and into the actions of this child through the many years he’s suffered. If he’s such a bad kid, why has he not harmed someone? Why has he not made good on his verbal vomit? Why are any incidents against him only verbal in nature? Do they not see his love for animals? Even bugs, saving bugs from being squished and releasing them outside. His drive to help someone who’s struggling. Why don’t people see the good and only focus on the bad? The bad due to emotional regulation issues and lack of any proper supports to truly help him cope and learn appropriate skills to self regulate. The lack of a good mentor who can spend real time with him out in the community and bond with him. Where are these mentors?

So when an incident happens out in the community and an injustice occurs, the first thought of many is, “What did HE do this time?” “He must have deserved it.” “It’s his fault.” “The problem child.” But what if he didn’t do anything that warranted the kind of incident and treatment that took place on 12/14 of 2022? An incident that not only traumatized ME but my child as well. An incident that was completely unjust, discriminatory and caused a traumatic meltdown in not only my son, but me as well. An event that has scarred my brain and left me feeling vulnerable, helpless, lost, depressed, and so mortified and upset, I don’t know how to process it and get through it. Where is the justice? Where is the help? How does this wrong get made right? What are our options, our recourses? I can’t let this one go. I just can’t. I can’t stop ruminating on it and I can’t just move on. I’m traumatized. Traumatized by a situation that led to my own mental health collapse after a really tough year and spending a lot of money and excitement waiting to attend an event that meant so much to me and my child. An event that I spent so much anxiety, fear, and anxiousness over as I am disabled and it takes a lot of prep to leave my home and do something like this and in a moment, it was all taken away. Everything. Gone, just like that, with no explanation, no recourse, no justice, and no return of the money I paid which was a huge amount to make this happen. No items that I paid for for both of us to receive that was saved for the end of the event so we didn’t have to hold it while the show was in process and no way to obtain what we paid for, no way to ever get back that once in a lifetime experience and no way to fix the damage that’s been done to us. Why? Why did this happen? This was our night of respite. This was our chance to get out of these 4 walls that have isolated us for so long. And that got taken from us.

I have written to the venue asking for answers. No one will write me back. There MUST be answers. How can one man (MAV security) make a call that effects a person’s life without any explanation, any way to defend themselves or anyway to stop an injustice from happening. How can that one man have so much control while we sit by helpless and mocked for my own disability? How can a person who is disabled be treated in a such a manor as I was without empathy, compassion, or regulations in place to keep someone in my condition from experiencing a situation like this that caused me harm? I am not healthy enough to advocate for myself. My brain wants to completely shut down thinking about this night. But I need answers. I need restitution. I need help making this situation right and I don’t know how to do that. I don’t have the money to hire an attorney to fight on my behalf, to mediate this situation and file the right papers, pushing the venue to respond to my requests and get the restitution we so rightly deserve. I feel lost and so very vulnerable right now.

The Perpetuation of a Lie… and the Damage it causes.

Some people are just born with compassion while I’m discovering that others, simply aren’t. It’s taken me a while to want to even write this as I had a lot to process and I rather write with a calm mind than rant out of anger but I feel it needs to be written. Bullies seemingly exist throughout our society but I’ve noticed a worsening with people since social media became involved.

I’ve been through a lot in life, in fact, it’s enough to write a book about. I’ve gone out of my way to be a nice person and respectful of others even when they aren’t always respectful to me. I’m a peacemaker in that I rather have peace than drama. Sometimes I choose to ignore the insult to avoid conflict as I don’t like conflict. But there are people that exist in our society that not only are drawn to conflict, they enjoy the drama and seek to cause it while they sit back and watch the damage done. These are pretty low people on the totem pole of compassionate people. What makes it even funnier is when they post about how kind and loving they are after literally starting complete and unnecessary drama publicly on social media for all the world to see.

I joined the military at the age of 21. It wasn’t long after, an exposure destroyed my health. I’m currently rated at 100% disabled P&T (for those who know the lingo). That means the military pays for my injuries. I lost out on filing for SSDI since I was unaware at that young age that it was a benefit I paid into and could apply for but I had my VA disability and that truly has helped us with our finances. Finances that are, of course, none of anyone’s business. But somehow, certain people both within my family and without, seem to think my finances are their business.

I’ve never made it a secret that my health is not what it once was. In fact, over 7 years ago, it took a nose dive and I am now disabled and have been for over 7 years. That is life altering. My dreams of going to law school, to one day become a judge, now flushed down the toilet due to the lesions on my brain affecting my memory and due to the break down of my connective tissue holding my body together, so I live with chronic pain. I live needing assistance to support my body as my muscles don’t like to work like they should. I was also diagnosed with ME/CFS and if you’ve ever met someone with ME/CFS or suffer from it yourself, you know how completely debilitating it can be. Simple tasks are no longer simple. Any exertion in the slightest can cause a flare up. It involves a LOT of rest and recuperation. Not to mention having dysautonomia, another horrible condition that makes being upright not so enjoyable. It’s even worse having a child that suffers from many of these same issues. To watch your child suffer can never compare to what I’m suffering from. By the way, those are physical conditions, not mental health. So to be accused of not having a ‘real disease’ and that it is all mental health and I need to see a shrink, not only gaslights and makes fun of those with mental health issues, it’s truly disgusting to say that to someone disabled. And they call themselves nice people.

On average, it can take 15 years to get diagnosed with some of the rare diseases I suffer from. The information is simply not out there. Doctors are not trained in recognizing these conditions and with all the specialized care, getting sent out for each and every body part, where’s the doctor looking at the whole picture? It’s a fight to get a doctor to listen when you suffer from an ‘invisible’ disease, meaning it affects you on the inside and not the out, so unlike down syndrome where you may have a visual sign of the condition, the only difference with me, is my gait pattern. My gait is completely off but otherwise, if simply sitting in a chair at the doctors, I certainly look normal. I don’t ‘look’ in pain. I don’t look sick. Sadly, there are so many doctors who judge a patient on that very thing which is completely mind boggling since so many of our diseases are not visually seen. So imagine how hard so many of us had to fight to get taken seriously in the first place, to fight to be heard and to fight to get diagnosed. Yeah, that was a nightmare. Took me 16 years total for most of my conditions to be diagnosed, and 23 years for my 2 rare diseases to finally be discovered. I have one left, unaccounted for, my neuromuscular disorder, confirmed by muscle biopsy but not showing up in DNA testing. (Unless I count the disputed VUS found for HSP, but that’s another issue all together).

Going through that is enough. Adding your child’s suffering and diagnostic process is draining. Trying to care for a disabled child while disabled is something in and of itself. It’s absolutely mentally and physically exhausting. But add having to fight some of your own family members and outsiders over your REAL diagnoses and called a faker, being told I’m a loser, and I need to get a job, that I’m sponging off of my husband and I’m a mooch, that’s shocking. They’ve completely gaslit those who are disabled, those who suffer from mental illness, autism, and other physical disorders and became class A bullies for the world to see.. until they removed it from their social media platform after being called out by their favorite person, my husband, who can do no wrong. I’m going to share what happened that day and the names of those involved. Why is ok for people to be so cruel and then hide behind that cruelness? Why is ok for people to stir the pot then refuse to elaborate when making an accusation? Why is it ok for these people to jab and run. What are they afraid of? The truth? Cause that one’s wild. The entire group that ganged up and bullied me was all started and based on a single solitary lie. And they not only refuse to acknowledge it, but not one, NOT ONE, has simply apologized for their nasty behavior, for their bullying. That would have gone a long way but instead, they’ve hidden behind blocked accounts. Jab and run. Jab and run. Chickens.

To be continued when I have more spoons…

Invisible Disability

Truly one of the hardest disabilities is one that is invisible. On the outside, we look, ‘fine.’ But on the inside, we’re anything but. It shouldn’t make a difference but unfortunately in our society, it very much does. People judge and that judgement includes doctors, ER staff, family and friends. They don’t see the pain. They don’t see the fatigue. They don’t see the disorientation and dizziness. We look….. normal.

I’ve sadly fantasized about missing a limb in my moments of frustration thinking if maybe they actually SAW a disability, then they would finally understand or treat me with respect and not make assumptions or judge wrongly. It’s also brought a deeper insight and understanding into those who cut. Not that I’d ever cut but I can see it as a way to show the world the pain and turmoil hidden inside when the world ignores your pleas and minimizes your feelings.

Our world is not kind to the disabled. I have a family member who once told me during a migraine that she could ‘finally see’ that I do suffer… That she needed to ‘SEE’ my pain to believe me. Most of us hide our pain. We don’t want to walk funny, look different, or spend our day moaning and making noises for the world to hear. It’s not like acute pain. We learn to adjust and push through it but that does not mean it isn’t disabling or not extreme. We just had to adapt regardless. No one can see the heavy weighted invisible sandbags clinging to each limb. I can describe it all day long but truly unless one experiences it, they wouldn’t understand. It’s extremely difficult to function when gravity acts differently with your body which is another way I like to describe it.

It’s even worse having dysautonomia. Being upright too long triggering migraines, disorientation, pain, shakiness, palpitations and tachycardia. My best position is a slightly reclined position with head support. My muscles simply don’t want to hold my head very well. It kills me knowing one of my children suffer this same thing. My muscles have atrophied along my spine, my butt, and my thighs. It’s hard to come back from that. No matter how hard I try, I won’t build endurance. I can spend all summer lifting a small weight and it will have no improvement in my muscles and cause the same pain and fatigue every time. In fact, it will cause my muscles to progress. What kind of disease is that!?! The catch-22 when you need exercise to improve your muscle function but the disease that causes exercise to worsen it instead. I feel for my children.

Then there’s the Elhers-Danlos. That alone is bad enough but alone is not what Ehlers-danlos does. EDS is systemic and likes to collect it’s own set of other disabilities to join the party. My labs are some of the most bizarre labs I’ve seen. Even the doctors are baffled by them. Truly a Zebra with no desire to be one but that’s my lot in life. I’m fortunate to have a husband who has been by my side over 22 years, supporting me and being my biggest advocate.

No one chooses to be disabled. We need better programs, improvement in insurance and services for those of us who find our lives altered by these diseases. Currently, most policies are set up for those with visible disabilities, again, discriminating against those who remain invisible. Then there’s the issue of government involvement in our healthcare, making medical decisions and guidelines without a license to practice medicine or policies on medicine made by people who don’t even represent the population the medications affect. Patients being denied care, needed medications, correct dosages, having to choose between treating one thing or the other instead of treating them completely. Where is our choice over our own bodies and what we want when we’re the ones having to suffer? Where is the common sense? I’d rather sign a release of liability and take what I need at the dose I need to allow me to fully function than to be undertreated over some unfounded fear that that might cause addiction or maybe even death. Yet the dosages are so low as to not being a realistic concern. But shouldn’t that be my decision to make? After all, I am the one living this life. Quality over quantity.

Yesterday I read an article about a 20 year old male suffering from a disease they can’t figure out that causes him disabling pain. Rather than treat him with pain meds enough to function and have some quality of life, they are offering him euthanasia instead. This is Canada. Euthanize rather than treat. Having a child who’s had those same desires, as well as suffering myself, I can empathize and understand his position but what I can’t understand is how government would rather allow this much suffering rather than allow someone the quality of life they need with medications that DO work or allow the option of euthenasia but not the option of good quality care. This is our world. Where is the outrage about this?

So much outrage over woman’s right to abort but near silence over the abuse of pain patients and the disabled. It truly is a world where people only care if it affects them personally. They’ll turn a blind eye if it doesn’t. Maybe had they fought for our rights when we were seeking help and advocacy warning about the atrocities going on in our country, things wouldn’t be the way they are now. But instead, they were filled with the propaganda by our media, the fear mongering over opioids as if it’s the real cause of our countries overdose crisis and not the illicit street drugs coming off the streets. Yet, the real studies are readily available, the proof is there but the world is blind to it.

I could write an entire book on patient experiences that would boil the blood of anyone who read it if they knew what’s been going on to so many of us in pain. Even those with cancer, crippling disease, major surgeries, so many affected by these biased policies that cause patient harm. Smell some lavender oil after that bowel removal but no opioids for you. When government can offer incentives for hospitals to follow their guidelines and protocols that don’t take patient individuality in account but a blanket policy then we have a real problem. Incentives need to be removed and government needs to get out of medicine and our healthcare. They also need to remove the hypocrisy in regards to cannabis, it’s status under a substance that has NO medical benefit and yet legalized in so many states for the medicinal benefit it actually provides. When it takes legislation and decades to do what’s right, maybe we need to look at our system and fix what’s broken. It shouldn’t be that hard. We’ve lost common sense in our country.

I’m tired. Just truly tired.

The Edge of Darkness

Living day to day, I struggle just to breath.

Trying to keep my calm. Praying for a long reprieve.

Balancing on the edge, each moment that I take.

Stomping down moments of regret, trying to avoid another mistake.

End it now or keep pressing on, decisions never far from thought.

Wishing for a peaceful existence, no demands or responsibilities fought.

For my shattered mind, so fragile, worn thin, how did I get to this place?

Always so strong, so determined, now weakness, an utter disgrace.

Body broken, weighed down, crippled in chronic pain.

Pushing myself, the frustration, no endurance, pushed in vain.

Questioning my existence, anger, fear, and doubt.

Stuck in a hole with no exit, surrounded by a withering drought.

The end so close, I feel it near. Do I reach out and grasp it’s hand?

Even the thought of that decision is simply too heavy a demand.

I think of their faces, my heart and soul, the pain that would never heal.

Do I put that burden upon them? A pain I never want them to feel.

But is my life worth keeping? A weight dragging everyone down.

Unable to care for myself, all the tasks piling up and I drown.

No one here to pass the torch to, everyone looking for me to depend on.

How can they even think it’s realistic, blinded by who I once was, she’s gone.

My hubby, exhausted, I see the burn out taking it’s toll.

He refuses to acknowledge, yet it seeps from his very soul.

My heart breaking in a million pieces, I feel helpless to my core.

Dreaming of winning the lottery, hire help, hire so much more.

Life’s journey, roads traveled, didn’t turn out as I’d expect.

How much damage one’s health can do, lacking services and respect.

No one chooses to be ill, dreams shattered and washed away.

Passions abandoned and unfinished, life in a state of decay.

Never quite enough to qualify for getting my needs met.

Like a dangled carrot above me, while being judged, but don’t fret.

Is it worth hanging on, listening to others scorn?

Sitting in their high castles, while my soul does nothing but mourn?

Cut them out from my existence, not worth the extra stress.

Neither willing to lend a hand, while I continue to regress.

Sitting in judgement seats while my body rots away.

And you wonder why I cut you out, a game I simply won’t play.

Every little bit of stress adds another layer deep.

Breaking down my body even faster while I weep.

My life now down to few, the only ones that matter.

Do I continue to hold on, do I give in to the madhatter?

Like a prophesy once told, left a simple talking head.

But even talking exhausts me, maybe better off if dead.

Dianne MacKay 6/24/2022

Missing The Whole Picture…Words and Facts

When I was a kid growing up, in school we were taught to gather all of the information before forming an opinion. Gather the facts. What do we know? What information is missing? Today’s world seems to be missing this very essential step in the process before rushing to judgement and adding their own 2 cents. I truly believe the internet, social media and our own media has amplified this problem.

We used to have investigational journalism. I miss those days. Now it feels like everything is a big joke, entertainment takes priority, truth is hidden and lies are glorified. This seems to have a ripple effect touching the lives of everyone in one way or another as those around us begin taking up those same bad traits and jumping into the fray forming opinions as if fact and making accusations as if truth. What a sad world we live in.

Maybe attending college for conflict resolution has given me an edge on being aware of two sides to every situation. How our experiences shape our views and how group think can alter the atmosphere. Taking our time to reach conclusions and not rushing to judgement while keeping a rational mind is paramount. But too many can twist facts (I honestly think the definition of ‘facts’ has changed like a few other definitions have of late) to fit their own narrative, what they choose to believe and what helps fuel their own desire for drama as their only way to lash out at the world. Maybe looking inward with some deep reflection and honesty can help open the eyes to people’s own hypocrisy. Maybe not.

Cause deep down, there’s a lot of disgruntled people out there and some simply need a target. A target to take their own frustrations, fears and insecurities out on. Rather than being a rational mind, they’ve allowed fear to corrupt them and while our societal media highlights the drama, rash judgements and harsh criticisms that only seem to want to keep fueling the fire and widening the divide which digs itself deeper into the mind of the people who seemingly look for the easy target, the scapegoat, to latch onto and vent their own anger and insecurities at. They failed to gather the facts.

Another thing I’ve learned in life is to never use the ego when involved in an argument or disagreement with another. This is another thing that has seemingly gotten worse over time. The name calling, the harsh and ugly words against another. Do you honestly think that will do you any favors? If you’ve stooped to that level, you’ve lost the argument. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. Calling someone a vulgar or derogatory name isn’t going to win them over and certainly doesn’t help the situation. It only highlights the deep seated anger, insecurity and aggression bubbling under the surface.

Some people are born to be a part of the drama. Some only come out when the stress gets too much. Others just want to simply live in peace watching the events unfold around them, shaking their heads knowing our world is just going up in smoke. Gather the facts people. Don’t be so quick to judge. And be absolutely sure of your information before rushing to that judgement especially if you feel the need to jump in the fray and blast a person on social media. Words spoken can’t be taken back. Can people change? Absolutely but people aren’t quick to forget as social media has shown us. These days a comment made 10 years ago can come back and bite you. Doesn’t matter the relevancy, the situation, anything that can fuel the fire and add some drama can be thrown up at you decades down the road. Words matter.

They use to say, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.’ That’s a lie. Words do hurt and they do matter. I don’t agree with going back 10 years just to use something against someone. That’s not who I am nor think it’s acceptable. As I said, people change. But words in the here and now, they matter. They create deep divides and shut down the walls and lose whatever trust may have been available. Words can hurt more than sticks and stones. They can divide a family up and widen the gap and close doors that wouldn’t have otherwise. So think carefully before you use your words. Gather the facts. Don’t rush to judgement. And don’t blast someone on social media with accusations that can’t be taken back.