Some people are just born with compassion while I’m discovering that others, simply aren’t. It’s taken me a while to want to even write this as I had a lot to process and I rather write with a calm mind than rant out of anger but I feel it needs to be written. Bullies seemingly exist throughout our society but I’ve noticed a worsening with people since social media became involved.
I’ve been through a lot in life, in fact, it’s enough to write a book about. I’ve gone out of my way to be a nice person and respectful of others even when they aren’t always respectful to me. I’m a peacemaker in that I rather have peace than drama. Sometimes I choose to ignore the insult to avoid conflict as I don’t like conflict. But there are people that exist in our society that not only are drawn to conflict, they enjoy the drama and seek to cause it while they sit back and watch the damage done. These are pretty low people on the totem pole of compassionate people. What makes it even funnier is when they post about how kind and loving they are after literally starting complete and unnecessary drama publicly on social media for all the world to see.
I joined the military at the age of 21. It wasn’t long after, an exposure destroyed my health. I’m currently rated at 100% disabled P&T (for those who know the lingo). That means the military pays for my injuries. I lost out on filing for SSDI since I was unaware at that young age that it was a benefit I paid into and could apply for but I had my VA disability and that truly has helped us with our finances. Finances that are, of course, none of anyone’s business. But somehow, certain people both within my family and without, seem to think my finances are their business.
I’ve never made it a secret that my health is not what it once was. In fact, over 7 years ago, it took a nose dive and I am now disabled and have been for over 7 years. That is life altering. My dreams of going to law school, to one day become a judge, now flushed down the toilet due to the lesions on my brain affecting my memory and due to the break down of my connective tissue holding my body together, so I live with chronic pain. I live needing assistance to support my body as my muscles don’t like to work like they should. I was also diagnosed with ME/CFS and if you’ve ever met someone with ME/CFS or suffer from it yourself, you know how completely debilitating it can be. Simple tasks are no longer simple. Any exertion in the slightest can cause a flare up. It involves a LOT of rest and recuperation. Not to mention having dysautonomia, another horrible condition that makes being upright not so enjoyable. It’s even worse having a child that suffers from many of these same issues. To watch your child suffer can never compare to what I’m suffering from. By the way, those are physical conditions, not mental health. So to be accused of not having a ‘real disease’ and that it is all mental health and I need to see a shrink, not only gaslights and makes fun of those with mental health issues, it’s truly disgusting to say that to someone disabled. And they call themselves nice people.
On average, it can take 15 years to get diagnosed with some of the rare diseases I suffer from. The information is simply not out there. Doctors are not trained in recognizing these conditions and with all the specialized care, getting sent out for each and every body part, where’s the doctor looking at the whole picture? It’s a fight to get a doctor to listen when you suffer from an ‘invisible’ disease, meaning it affects you on the inside and not the out, so unlike down syndrome where you may have a visual sign of the condition, the only difference with me, is my gait pattern. My gait is completely off but otherwise, if simply sitting in a chair at the doctors, I certainly look normal. I don’t ‘look’ in pain. I don’t look sick. Sadly, there are so many doctors who judge a patient on that very thing which is completely mind boggling since so many of our diseases are not visually seen. So imagine how hard so many of us had to fight to get taken seriously in the first place, to fight to be heard and to fight to get diagnosed. Yeah, that was a nightmare. Took me 16 years total for most of my conditions to be diagnosed, and 23 years for my 2 rare diseases to finally be discovered. I have one left, unaccounted for, my neuromuscular disorder, confirmed by muscle biopsy but not showing up in DNA testing. (Unless I count the disputed VUS found for HSP, but that’s another issue all together).
Going through that is enough. Adding your child’s suffering and diagnostic process is draining. Trying to care for a disabled child while disabled is something in and of itself. It’s absolutely mentally and physically exhausting. But add having to fight some of your own family members and outsiders over your REAL diagnoses and called a faker, being told I’m a loser, and I need to get a job, that I’m sponging off of my husband and I’m a mooch, that’s shocking. They’ve completely gaslit those who are disabled, those who suffer from mental illness, autism, and other physical disorders and became class A bullies for the world to see.. until they removed it from their social media platform after being called out by their favorite person, my husband, who can do no wrong. I’m going to share what happened that day and the names of those involved. Why is ok for people to be so cruel and then hide behind that cruelness? Why is ok for people to stir the pot then refuse to elaborate when making an accusation? Why is it ok for these people to jab and run. What are they afraid of? The truth? Cause that one’s wild. The entire group that ganged up and bullied me was all started and based on a single solitary lie. And they not only refuse to acknowledge it, but not one, NOT ONE, has simply apologized for their nasty behavior, for their bullying. That would have gone a long way but instead, they’ve hidden behind blocked accounts. Jab and run. Jab and run. Chickens.
To be continued when I have more spoons…