Life’s Short. Don’t Waste it on Regrets and Hateful Words

I lost a good childhood friend last year. I cried my eyes out. We had just reconnected on FB a few years earlier but I never got the chance to see her in person one more time. I regret not talking to her more. I missed out on opportunities and it sucked. We had so many memories together and moments I don’t have with others. Only a select few remain deeply ingrained in my heart. She was one of them. It sucked.

I lost my cousin a couple days ago. That hurt. I bawled like a baby. I haven’t seen him since I was a kid but we maintained contact on Facebook and I daydreamed often about winning the lottery and stopping by and surprising them with tons of money. They mattered to me. My cousins, the ones that left a lasting impression in my childhood mind. My cousin who survived cancer. My cousin who I remember so vividly seeing him in the hospital while battling leukemia and almost crying, it smelled so bad in there. That’s what stuck with me. The smell, seeing him hooked up to so many tubes and not understanding why he had cancer or what that even meant. I remember like yesterday the images in my mind but he survived. We moved on to play like normal until my great Grammy died and the family divided and moved apart and I never saw them again but the memories stayed strong in my mind, an idol of sorts, a way I wanted to live with my own kids one day, big family gatherings and get togethers with all the kids playing and enjoying themselves. It left a lasting impact on me. I miss those days. I cry that I lost him before I could hug him one more time. I just hope I may one day get to hug my other cousins before life gets in the way once again. Jackie, Eric… I wonder about Flori but she never responds to my messages sometimes and leaves me wondering why so do I shut that door?? I need reassurance. I need to know I matter. I don’t want to waste my time on people who don’t care to look back or look ahead and see that family is a precious thing, life is valuable and fragile. But I’m not going to beg for it, I want it to be natural. My cousin Michael. Does he remember me? Little Stephen? Sigh….

I lost my best friend’s dad today. He and his wife took me in as a teen for a while when I needed a place to stay. Life is precious. He fought a good fight but it was time and he’s at peace now and I don’t cry for him. I sit in the memories I have and the peace knowing he’s finally at peace. The disease a terrible thing to battle and suffer, he will no more, so I don’t cry for him. He’s at peace.

Life is precious, life can be short. It can be taken in a heartbeat and your last words matter… to those left behind. How did you treat your loved ones? What were your last words? They matter more than you realize especially when you really do realize how short life can be…

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