22 Years…. 22 Years

                                        22 Years… 22 Years…

22 years I suffered

22 years I cried

22 years I asked for help

Instead, I was pushed aside.

All I wanted was answers

Why was this happening to me?

My entire life flipped upside down

And few opened their eyes to see.

They spent their time full of gossip

Whispering behind my back

Telling each other I was faking

Overly dramatic hypochondriac.

The toxic poison slipped from their lips

Touching those listening ears

Twisting others minds against me

Being wrongly judged by family and peers.

The medical system was no help

They never looked outside the norm

It’s impossible you have something rare

It’s all in your head, now please conform!

It further perpetuated the stigma

Leaving me feeling insecure

Something is definitely not right inside

But it’s not my mind, I was sure!

My body feeling weaker

Losing strength day by day

Pain increasing in my legs

Forgetting what I want to say

My entire life is not the same

Dreams gone up in smoke

My goals, my hobbies, my career

Swallowed by this invisible cloak

Then one day, a simple test

One beyond the norm

Results came in, abnormal

My mind in shocking form

I have not one but two

Rare diseases that were found

It finally all makes sense

My theories were all sound.

Vindication for all those years of hell

I simply told you so

But you refused to listen or even care

How do you feel now that you know?

Do you feel the shame, the guilt inside

The pain for what you’ve said?

Or will you simply ignore the elephant in the room

Refusing to acknowledge what you led.

Will the doctors now take special care

And truly listen to what I feel?

They can no longer blame my anxious mind

This rare disease is very real.

Swimming in emotions

Shock, fear, and awe

Making new life adjustments

Due to that genetic flaw

My life more fragile than I even thought

Every system can be affected

Prognosis unknown weighing my thoughts

This one truly was unexpected

Have I robbed my children of their lives as well?

Praying they won’t end up like me.

Lots of upcoming tests, more answers

I guess I’ll just wait and see.

The pain of those fears running deep

My thoughts heavily weighed down.

The emotions from 22 years released

Holding tight, so I don’t drown.

                                                                      Dianne MacKay 4/14/2022