22 Years… 22 Years…
22 years I suffered
22 years I cried
22 years I asked for help
Instead, I was pushed aside.
All I wanted was answers
Why was this happening to me?
My entire life flipped upside down
And few opened their eyes to see.
They spent their time full of gossip
Whispering behind my back
Telling each other I was faking
Overly dramatic hypochondriac.
The toxic poison slipped from their lips
Touching those listening ears
Twisting others minds against me
Being wrongly judged by family and peers.
The medical system was no help
They never looked outside the norm
It’s impossible you have something rare
It’s all in your head, now please conform!
It further perpetuated the stigma
Leaving me feeling insecure
Something is definitely not right inside
But it’s not my mind, I was sure!
My body feeling weaker
Losing strength day by day
Pain increasing in my legs
Forgetting what I want to say
My entire life is not the same
Dreams gone up in smoke
My goals, my hobbies, my career
Swallowed by this invisible cloak
Then one day, a simple test
One beyond the norm
Results came in, abnormal
My mind in shocking form
I have not one but two
Rare diseases that were found
It finally all makes sense
My theories were all sound.
Vindication for all those years of hell
I simply told you so
But you refused to listen or even care
How do you feel now that you know?
Do you feel the shame, the guilt inside
The pain for what you’ve said?
Or will you simply ignore the elephant in the room
Refusing to acknowledge what you led.
Will the doctors now take special care
And truly listen to what I feel?
They can no longer blame my anxious mind
This rare disease is very real.
Swimming in emotions
Shock, fear, and awe
Making new life adjustments
Due to that genetic flaw
My life more fragile than I even thought
Every system can be affected
Prognosis unknown weighing my thoughts
This one truly was unexpected
Have I robbed my children of their lives as well?
Praying they won’t end up like me.
Lots of upcoming tests, more answers
I guess I’ll just wait and see.
The pain of those fears running deep
My thoughts heavily weighed down.
The emotions from 22 years released
Holding tight, so I don’t drown.
Dianne MacKay 4/14/2022