My reply to someone feeling disconnected:
I feel what you are going through. I was angry at God for a long time. I’m still not back to where I should be. I’m stuck in the why me, why my child self pitty. I’m disabled. My childhood was not a good one but God truly pulled me through it well but then I got sick at 21. That was the beginning of my medical life. I had 2 miracle babies after being told I couldn’t but then one of my children was diagnosed with autism, depression, extreme anxiety and now several health problems. He wants to die. He has no friends. My level of disability is at the point of needing a caretaker. My other daughter is starting to struggle with health issues. My husband is worn out. Why? Why were we given more than we can handle? Yes, it’s more than we can handle when you can mostly only lay there all day wishing death would just take you and having little hope of getting better but to watch your kid struggle with chronic pain. To battle the legal system for calling 911 during a mental health crisis for your child and having then turn around and charge your child with a felony! My mind is blown and shutting down. Yet I have no choice but to keep breathing. I had returned to the Lord last year but out of nowhere, several weeks ago, it’s like the feeling just disappeared. I feel lost, adrift at sea with no control over my life, but I keep breathing….
Rarely do I talk about the suffering in my life. No one really wants to hear it. But this is my life. This is real. I’m tired of pretending that all is good. I’m tired of smiling when I’m crying inside. I’m tired.
The two most pressing issues in my life, is my kids health issues and the court situation looming over our heads. The court situation is very paralyzing. It literally can shut my brain down and send me to bed for the day. I have to shut it out but that’s not helping me make any progress on this case. Where is my son’s attorney? Not one phone call since court began. We have only a few weeks to submit all the motions and evidence (?) and yet I’ve not heard one thing about our strategy, our witnesses, nothing. Are they just waiting till I cave and accept a plea deal for my son? What gives?
I’ve started a petition, just need to publish it and share. I’ve never created a petition before, as far as I can remember. I feel insecure out it. I want change. It’s not fair to those of us battling this same issue that creates harm for our children and in the end, nets them nothing. So many have come forward with their own stories, very similar in nature and yet, in the end, they received no real help in this lacking state. It feels like such a lie, just get them in the system…
My kid is truly a good kid. He’s sweet natured inside and just wants to feel better and have a life. That’s it. There’s very limited resources in Idaho for mental health. They only want to throw anti-psychotics at our kids even when they’ve failed them and reacted horribly time and time again and yet they still try to throw those drugs at our kids… Why? It’s not what he needs.
So many service providers that fail to show up. Time and time again… My son can tell me which ones are clearly only working for a paycheck. He’s pretty intuitive. Our system truly sucks. Politicians don’t return our calls or answer our emails. But people are starting to reach out and if we can all come together, maybe, just maybe, we can bring some common sense laws back in to protect our children and change a very broken and archaic system.
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android