New tablet!!

I’m super excited to announce I will be getting a new tablet computer next week!! It will be much smaller and lighter than my computer so I will be able to blog more!!

I can’t type anything of length on my phone and my computer is really too heavy to lug around so I haven’t been on my blog much. With the new lightweight tablet computer I’ll be able to carry it, take it with me if I ever need, and keep with me in my sitting spot as it’s supposed to have superb battery life.

I’m excited!! Way too often I find myself deep in thought with words I want to get out of my head but they often get lost in my brain as it’s too much to type out on my phone, even with my stylus. My hands have been flared up. I don’t like to move if I’m comfortable in my chair so often I will avoid grabbing my computer. If someone grabs it for me I’m stuck with the weight and bulk of it. It doesn’t sit on my lap well and often slides. It’s super heavy!!

My tablet arrives Monday and I can’t wait to try it out. I’d like to start blogging my journey, my struggles, living with an invisible illness while trying to maintain a family, a child with special needs and health issues, a child feeling left behind, a husband starting to drown, helping me with tasks I always handled. Life has been very tough.

I also want to continue blogging about Idaho’s juvenile justice system and the unethical way they handle mental health and punish families for seeking help. How they create fear in calling the police and anger towards the system. Praying for change. Praying for dismissal. Praying…

Part 2: Juvenile (un)Justice in Ada County- Discrimination against those with mental health

My reply to someone feeling disconnected:

I feel what you are going through. I was angry at God for a long time. I’m still not back to where I should be. I’m stuck in the why me, why my child self pitty. I’m disabled. My childhood was not a good one but God truly pulled me through it well but then I got sick at 21. That was the beginning of my medical life. I had 2 miracle babies after being told I couldn’t but then one of my children was diagnosed with autism, depression, extreme anxiety and now several health problems. He wants to die. He has no friends. My level of disability is at the point of needing a caretaker. My other daughter is starting to struggle with health issues. My husband is worn out. Why? Why were we given more than we can handle? Yes, it’s more than we can handle when you can mostly only lay there all day wishing death would just take you and having little hope of getting better but to watch your kid struggle with chronic pain. To battle the legal system for calling 911 during a mental health crisis for your child and having then turn around and charge your child with a felony! My mind is blown and shutting down. Yet I have no choice but to keep breathing. I had returned to the Lord last year but out of nowhere, several weeks ago, it’s like the feeling just disappeared. I feel lost, adrift at sea with no control over my life, but I keep breathing….

Rarely do I talk about the suffering in my life. No one really wants to hear it. But this is my life. This is real. I’m tired of pretending that all is good. I’m tired of smiling when I’m crying inside. I’m tired.

The two most pressing issues in my life, is my kids health issues and the court situation looming over our heads. The court situation is very paralyzing. It literally can shut my brain down and send me to bed for the day. I have to shut it out but that’s not helping me make any progress on this case. Where is my son’s attorney? Not one phone call since court began. We have only a few weeks to submit all the motions and evidence (?) and yet I’ve not heard one thing about our strategy, our witnesses, nothing. Are they just waiting till I cave and accept a plea deal for my son? What gives?

I’ve started a petition, just need to publish it and share. I’ve never created a petition before, as far as I can remember. I feel insecure out it. I want change. It’s not fair to those of us battling this same issue that creates harm for our children and in the end, nets them nothing. So many have come forward with their own stories, very similar in nature and yet, in the end, they received no real help in this lacking state. It feels like such a lie, just get them in the system…

My kid is truly a good kid. He’s sweet natured inside and just wants to feel better and have a life. That’s it. There’s very limited resources in Idaho for mental health. They only want to throw anti-psychotics at our kids even when they’ve failed them and reacted horribly time and time again and yet they still try to throw those drugs at our kids… Why? It’s not what he needs.

So many service providers that fail to show up. Time and time again… My son can tell me which ones are clearly only working for a paycheck. He’s pretty intuitive. Our system truly sucks. Politicians don’t return our calls or answer our emails. But people are starting to reach out and if we can all come together, maybe, just maybe, we can bring some common sense laws back in to protect our children and change a very broken and archaic system.
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We should never fear calling the Police during a crisis… Part 1: My Journey with Ada County Juvenile Justice and Meridian Police Dept.

We should never fear calling the police during a mental health crisis. But that is exactly what I now fear. I will never utilize there service that we pay for, ever again, no matter how bad it gets. They have failed me. The Ada County Juvenile Justice Department has lied to me and they are not there to help your children as they are proving that.

Around September of last year (2020), my son had a complete and utter meltdown. Covid has been rough on our kids, especially those with autism or other mental health issues. Due to my child’s depression, we have a crisis plan in the event it is needed. I’ve never needed it before. That night, I did. 

I simply needed the police or ambulance to transport my child to the ER. My child had volunteered to get help but when he found out they needed blood work, he lost it. He hates needles, it’s part of his autism anxiety. I was afraid of him hurting HIMSELF, so I made that call. My son did NOT want to go to the ER and I alerted the officers of his diagnoses and his fear and that he was not willing. They said they may have to restrain him if he refused to cooperate. There was no mention of anything beyond that. My son was transported to the hospital in restraints. 

One month later I received a call. My son had a warrant out for his arrest. He was being charged with a felony assault on a police officer and a misdemeanor resisting charge.  They are charging him for ‘attempting to bite’ the officer even though he didn’t cause any harm, he’s a small kid and they had him on the ground putting a body wrap around him. 

Though I managed to have the warrant removed AND the prosecutor was willing to drop the felony, his supervisor would not let him. We have trial in April. They said they would drop the felony if we pled to the misdemeanor. This to me seems like blackmail. Why should we plead guilty to any crime when we simply needed help during a mental health crisis? They said they charge kids to make sure they’re getting the proper help they need… yet not one phone call to see how he is doing. Not one phone call to share any information regarding services. They didn’t even ask if he was receiving any services!  How is this helping my son?  If they were really seeking to only charge to help, then why wouldn’t the supervisor allow the prosecutor to drop the heavier charge and work with the other charge that remains? Again, this shows they don’t have his mental health in mind but are seeking to punish my child and for a crime that could follow him for the rest of his life and for what??? For calling 911 to help us get him to the hospital… Never again.

I’m a disabled veteran who is in the process of seeking caregiver support due to my disabling condition. Stress exacerbates my health issues. This has certainly put a lot of stress on my shoulders and added more to our plates when it wasn’t even necessary. Not to mention my son could have a felony record for life if the judge determines he’s guilty.  There are no laws to protect my son. Where’s the common sense?